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Mommy Guilt...

Whenever I am doing something for one child I feel like I am shortchanging the other one.



( 11 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 1st, 2009 05:16 am (UTC)
Just wait for the days when one is being an angel and the other one is a holy terror. Then you get to feel guilty about yelling at one but not the other.

That was my Saturday...
Mar. 1st, 2009 05:17 am (UTC)
*hugs* Not being a parent, I can't really provide any other intellegent comment, so have more *hugs*.
Mar. 1st, 2009 12:16 pm (UTC)
You're falling into their trap, muahahaha.

Seriously, don't feel guilty about doing your best, and remember that you have to do something for yourself now and then without feeling guilty that it's not for either of your kids. Because keeping yourself sane is important for them indirectly.
Mar. 1st, 2009 01:02 pm (UTC)
I feel the same way sometimes. I think all parents do at one time or another. My middle child, not being a squeaky wheel but a smoothly spinning one, does not always get the attention *I* think he deserves whilst I am oiling and smoothing out the needs of the other two.

I think small guilt trips are okay, because it helps you decide how to balance things so everyone feels loved and shined. Just don't dwell on it obsessively.

With both your littles being so, well, LITTLE right now, both of them are high-needs little girls, without the temperment or maturity to be patient when what they want or need has to wait even a little. That makes it hard on everybody.
Mar. 1st, 2009 01:16 pm (UTC)
Yup. But it's OK. They'll be fine.
Mar. 1st, 2009 02:20 pm (UTC)
What she said ... and you learn to deal with it better too.
Mar. 1st, 2009 03:05 pm (UTC)
Do not—I repeat, DO NOT—feel guilty for not being able to be in two places at once. That way lies madness, unless your name is Stephen Hawking.

Besides, isn't that what you have Roper around for? :-) Two parents, two kids - no waiting. If he's not around right now, tell the other kid she can have Daddy when he gets home.
Mar. 1st, 2009 03:15 pm (UTC)
You need to get over that. Otherwise, the older child will pick up on it (she's already noticed that this other creature is absorbing half of your time) and you'll be doomed. Parenthood isn't about being fair in time; it's about being fair in quality. "Special" time, such as reading a story, or coloring together, counts about five to one for "maintenance" time, such as diaper changing or clothes changing or picking up toys.

Eventually, you'll wish they wanted to spend more time with you, instead of (say) constantly text-messaging their friends. (I have no idea what teenage girls will be doing ten years from now.) Enjoy it now, and Just Say No to guilt.
Mar. 1st, 2009 10:57 pm (UTC)
Just remember that not doing for one because the other one either doesn't need it right now or is too old or not old enough, is short changing that kid. Eventually, they pick up on this and hoo boy the resentment that starts playing out. This is still the dynamic between my sisters and myself, and at least one of us has hit the half century mark.

Besides, it's more important that they learn that fairness does not equal mirror image. There'll come a time when "yes, your sister got to stay home and color today and you didn't" is acceptable when you also point out that "but you didn't spend half your time today in the bathroom being sick, now, did you?" Or, "you didn't need new shoes, she did and when you do I'll let you pick." Or, "you picked the movie last time", or "the two of you won't die because the kid down the street has one and you don't." As long as in the overall picture, they know that their needs are being met, you're ok.
Mar. 1st, 2009 11:30 pm (UTC)
Mar. 2nd, 2009 07:14 pm (UTC)
I'm not sure that ever changes.

But in the end, I look at it like this -

C had time where she got ALL the attention.
S will have time where C is out of the house and SHE gets all the attention 10-11 years from now.

I the interim, I give 'em both as much as I can.

( 11 comments — Leave a comment )