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Katie realllly hates having her hair washed. It's dreadfully tangled and flyaway. Even in summer humidity she looks like a dandelion when she goes down the slide in the park.

She let me wash it in the shower today, even put conditioner in it, but it i still a mess of tangles.

So is it ok, from a parenting point of view, to just clamp her between my knees and comb her hair, ignoring the screaming?

Will she grow out of this?

Anybody have any tips or tricks?


GHR

Comments

( 22 comments — Leave a comment )
gundo
Aug. 12th, 2009 07:18 pm (UTC)
I deal with screaming when I wash Gabriel's hair...I explain to him that it has to happen, that if he'd follow instructions it would be over quicker, and then go ahead and do it over the protests.

He knows he's loved, he gets lots of love when it's over...I think that what you are doing is part of parenting.
smoooom
Aug. 12th, 2009 07:26 pm (UTC)
Johnsons no more tangles. I used to spray it on, then start with a wider toothed comb and then a regular one. For a little while with Vicky I tried "Pixie Teasers" several braids in her before bed. With mixed results. No more tangles - I swaer by it.

Pixie teasers were invented by my Mom. She'd put my hair in several braids befroe bed. This prevented the Pixies from swinging on my hair and tangling it up. It worked as long as my hair was dry.
jennlk
Aug. 12th, 2009 07:27 pm (UTC)
Pretty much, yeah. I did that with both kids. DB still hates dealing with his hair, and has pretty much decided that he wants a clipper cut. Doesn't work so well with girls, but as I told SR "look, kid, I don't care if you don't like this. It needs to be done. If you'd stand still and shut up, it'd be done faster." She was pretty much over it by the time we moved to Chelsea, so 3 1/2 or so. I found that using a 2-in-1 kids' shampoo helped a lot, esp. the 'fewer tangles' version.
controuble
Aug. 12th, 2009 07:55 pm (UTC)
Seconded on the No More Tangles - it's great, just spray on after washing hair. It didn't come out until I was an adult, but I used it for many years.
My hair was waist-long and mom used to tease me by pretending she was brushing my eyebrows into my ponytail
catalana
Aug. 12th, 2009 07:58 pm (UTC)
I use a brush rather than a comb for my hair because it hurt me less. (Different people have different preferences, of course.) If it's getting long, hold a lock of hair in the middle while you brush the ends and hopefully it'll hurt her less. Then you can work on the roots once the ends are better. Doesn't mean that she'll scream less, of course.

And, yes, eventually she should grow out of this. I didn't like having my hair brushed - I liked being able to do it myself so that it didn't hurt as much. Hopefully in the not-too-distant future you can work on her brushing her own hair, because then she can get rewarded by, well, not having you do it. ("If you do a good job brushing your hair like a big girl, then Mommy won't have to do it.")

She will probably succumb to peer pressure eventually when she starts hanging around more kids and she'll care about her hair looking better. So she'll probably start putting up with it more at that point, even if she never adores having you brush it.

(All of this based on my experience and observation - obviously people are different. But, hey, it might be helpful!)
wyld_dandelyon
Aug. 12th, 2009 10:38 pm (UTC)
Whether a brush or comb works better depends on the hair, the brush, the comb, and the technique.

Starting at the bottom so you don't push tangles tighter helps.

Trying different brushes/combs could help too. We have had much better luck combing the himalayan cat's fur after we got a groomer's advice on which comb to buy! Do you get your hair cut somewhere? Maybe that person could look at the girl's hair and see if they have a recommendation?

But yeah, fixing hair over loud protests is normal.
marmot63
Aug. 12th, 2009 08:17 pm (UTC)
When Mere was 2, she hated to have her hair washed. The only solution was do it quick and ignore the screaming. Not fun, but necessary. A couple of tricks that we learned along the way:

No tangle sprays didn't work for us.

Goody brand Ouchless brushes work best (at Walgreens, Meijjers, target)

Comb her hair (with a wide tooth comb) in the shower, while the conditioner is still in her hair

A short layered haircut at least until she gets better about her hair. Saves your sanity and hers. If she decides to let her hair grow longer, she less likely to fuss about upkeep if it's her choice. Meredith let her hair grow long for a while, and recently decided that it's too much work and it's now much shorter.
born_to_me
Aug. 12th, 2009 09:36 pm (UTC)
What gundo said. It's not easy... and it's why G's hair stays short, he won't let us comb or brush it if it's long enough to tangle.

My hair tangles terribly, and I use a product called Cowboy Magic Detangler and Shine. http://www.cowboymagic.com/products.html - works wonders for me.
mia_mcdavid
Aug. 12th, 2009 10:46 pm (UTC)
I'd go with short hair until she wants it long and is able to help/willing to endure...
msminlr
Aug. 12th, 2009 10:48 pm (UTC)
If it's *that* curly and she hates combing it, might you go to a "not more than 2 inches long all over her head" cut?

Or maybe you could convince her to have it cut like Brooke Lunderville's...
rmeidaking
Aug. 13th, 2009 12:51 am (UTC)
Cut it off, short enough that it doesn't have to be combed to look good. Worry about having long, curly hair when she's old enough to deal with it.
tigerbright
Aug. 13th, 2009 02:14 am (UTC)
I hated having my hair brushed till I could do it myself.

Eva likes having her head rubbed, but not hairbrushing. I'm seriously considering using the cat glove on her.

Joshua likes hairbrushing *sometimes*.

Seconded on starting at the bottom.
weirdsister
Aug. 13th, 2009 02:15 am (UTC)
OMG. I remember my sister being impossible to comb at that age, until we started using No More Tangles, and my dad insisted on keeping her hair long. Sometimes, it really does help just to keep the hair short until they get through this phase. :(
Good luck to you!
mdlbear
Aug. 13th, 2009 02:17 am (UTC)
I've found that a brush is usually gentler than a comb.
judifilksign
Aug. 13th, 2009 03:22 am (UTC)
I also use both the Johnson and Johnson conditioner on wet hair, and the detangling spray on dry hair. Like smoooom, I try to braid her hair at night to cut down on tangles.

A lot of Sparkle's tangle woes were better after a trim, which got rid of split ends on the bottom that really ratted up.

There are times when Sparkle yells, it is true. I try to treat the yells like any other temper tantrum. I tell her it's okay to yell if it hurts, and try to get it it bits and pieces rather than all at once. This has cut down a lot on the screaming, because Sparkle feels she has more control over what's happening. Also, choosing the kinds of hair bandies that go in, and holding them help.

When I get her in the tub, sometimes she doesn't even notice I'm combing her if she's playing with tub toys.
spiritdance
Aug. 13th, 2009 04:54 am (UTC)
Comments from having long hair, and from dealing with the kids.

First off, cutting it shorter will make it much easier for the both of you. It's worth paying someone else to do the cutting, unless you are handy with clippers, and don't mind a buzz cut :) It's also worth the cost to find a place that specializes in kid's cuts - they are used to it, and have some tricks that help get the job done (amongst other things, movies/videos).

Someone else suggested combing her hair out in the bath with conditioner in it. I _strongly_ suggest this. And with little girls off to 4H camp for the first time with long hair, yeah, I ended up in the shower with them to help get things sorted out. Wide-toothed comb with blunt/soft tips to the tines is essential. Start with the ends, work back towards the scalp. If you can, braid it - it makes things easier to deal with, and less likely to tangle. Yes, I'd braid it wet, because it's a bit easier to handle that way, and ends up neater when you are first doing the braids (and she's first getting them done).

There is going to be screaming and howling, no doubt ::sigh:: Michael is at the "scream about getting his head wet" stage right now, so I have to grit my teeth and just get it over with. David is finally learning to listen, and has learned to tip his head way back so I can rinse without getting water in his face or ears.

And all else being said, I'd be up for a visit and being the "bad guy" to get the hair sorted, if need be. Then _you_ don't have to be the bad guy. And yes, we could do it this weekend, if you'd like :) Give me a call, and we can talk.
mbcrui
Aug. 13th, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
I have fine, fly-away hair that felts. My mother used to just hold me down and comb it. I still resent it... and yet it was the only method of dealing with Katie's hair that I could come up with. And she still resents it. I'm older now, and have dealt with other kids hair differently.

So 2 things. I HIGHLY recommend the Johnson's No More Tangles if you're going to keep her hair long. Spray it on, take your time, put a movie in and worth thru the knots and do your best to not pull. I understand that this takes time, realize that long hair takes time whether you're 3 or 30. If you don't want to or just can't take the time, cut it short.
mbcrui
Aug. 13th, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
work thru the knots. I can't type today.
catsittingstill
Aug. 13th, 2009 10:51 pm (UTC)
I'm with the "cut it short" crowd. Short hair looks perfectly fine on kids, and Katie is cute enough that she'll look good in anything anyway. And it will be a lot easier on her, and easier on your nerves

My mom wouldn't *let* me have long hair until I was old enough to comb it myself. Then I went through stages of growing it long and then getting fed up with it and wanting the convenience of having it short. I still do that but I have a longer cycle time now :-)

YMMV of course, but Mom cut our hair herself; she said the professionals couldn't do any better than her until we got out of the habit of turning our heads to see what that clipping noise was and what was happening back there.
andpuff
Aug. 14th, 2009 08:40 pm (UTC)
This is pretty much the reason I had a pixie cut until I was old enough to take care of my hair myself. And then occasionally after that.. *g*

I suspect short hair would be easier on you than having to deal emotionally with the screaming.
aimee_moran
Aug. 16th, 2009 03:47 am (UTC)
When Kyla was small, she wanted to let her hair grow out long, which I was fine with as long as it was taken care of. So it was her choice: if you take care of your hair, it can be as long as you like. If it looks ratty, we'll get it cut until it's short enough so you can take care of it. She ended up with VERY long hair through high school, and she always kept it in good condition (I only had to remind her a few times about HER choice). That being said, that started in about 2nd grade; Katie is IIRC younger. Even so, making it her choice seems to help a lot, especially if you're okay with her having short hair for a while.

We did use a lot of detangler for a long time, too. Garnier Fructis seems to be the label of choice at the moment, a nice detangler and not too goopy to get out of the hair with reasonable rinsing.

At the moment, Kyla's hair is shoulder length and flaming red...and still in very good order.
debber5
Aug. 19th, 2009 12:26 am (UTC)
fly away hair.
I'll try to remember to ask my mom for suggestions since my three sisters and I all had similar hair when we were young.Our hair was usually kept very short when we were young, and we eventually after many long years decided that we wanted to look our best. You might not want to wait until she's 12 though. I wish you lots of luck and patience.
( 22 comments — Leave a comment )